"At least I watched the kids"

These are the words that my husband said when I got home from my girls day out with Bonnie. Why was he saying this you ask? Well when I left my house it was clean. Not just tidy but clean, I got home and it was anything but. There was clothes and toys literally from one end of the house to the other, juice boxes and bottles all over the floor and various other messes that I am right now trying to block out.

I could hardly get into the bathroom. There was soap on the floor, clothes and towels on the floor and hanging from the toilet paper holder. Then there was that lovely dried crusty toothpaste in the sink with the toothbrush stuck in it. There was makeup on the counter and I don't even want to know why the cat toy was hanging down the laundry shoot. Oh my gosh where is the cat!? Here kitty, kitty.

Emily had a half eaten sandwich in her sock drawer and juice spilled on her floor. Then there were the movies thrown all over the room, almost as though someone was playing Frisbee. Her blankets and pillows are under the bed and there is some sticky substance on the sheets that looks like it may have at one point been a fruit snack or three. Not sure how I am gonna get that out. Any ideas?

The living room, oh the living room. Pieces of sausage and bread behind the couch, bottles everywhere, chocolate milk on the carpet and every dish we own is somewhere in this room I swear. I am still at a loss as to how one man and 2 children go about using EVERY dish and utensil on the house, especially when said ADULT didn't cook anything but sandwiches. Don't even get me started on the movie shelf. There are movies everywhere. On the floor on the shelves on the couch. It looks as though a actual tornado has gone through my house. I am at a loss as to how to turn the solid, crusty, milk chocolate infested carpet back into the fuzzy one of yesteryear but I will prevail. Stain remover and brush in hand it shall be returned to its glorious state of nasty brown shag once more. The books are all on the floor and it looks as though someone or something tried to climb the shelf.

Then there is the kitchen. Where to start. The syrup trail on the counter and floor? Nah. The nasty dried sandwich fixings on the counter? Nope. How about the fact that everything out of the fridge seems to have now taken up residency on the counter or in the sink? Nuh uh. We will start with the sudden disappearance of 2 brand new rolls of paper towel. Now one would think that if 2 rolls of paper towel were gone they would a) be in the garbage and b) something would be clean and if something is cleaned then man I don't want to know what it looked like before the use of the paper towel. There is no paper towel in the garbage so its safe to assume that it hasn't been used to clean anything right? WRONG! My husband, being the innovative individual that he is, used a roll of paper towel to cover my swiffer. I have the pads for it but apparently he didn't look in the cleaning supplies cupboard. When I say covered I do mean covered. We are talking a one inch thick swiffer cleaning pad that is now covered in something sticky, yellow and full of hair. Either it is a new breed of mouse or the dog got stuck in some syrup and since he is sitting here looking at me with that "something about Mary" hair do I am going to go with the latter.

Anyone want to guess what I am doing today while Colin and Emily are off on a ski-trip? That's right cleaning, bathing the dog, picking up all the movies and book, finding the cat, and plotting ways to torture my wonderful husband. How can you be mad though when he is standing in the doorway giving you those big sad brown puppy eyes, holding a sticky baby, his shirt and pants covered in what I think was Issy's lunch, hair all askew, Emily still in her pjs and he says " Sorry about the house but at least I watched the kids, right?" Yeah right. Thanks honey for giving me the day off.