Yikes

Payton is feeling a little better and has not thrown up since 11 last night thank goodness. So far no one else seems to be sick but I am waiting to see who will be the next victim. Personally my money is on Issy since Payton threw up on her but maybe I will be surprised. Today was a day of laundry, cleaning, disinfecting, baking and cooking a big pot of chicken soup. I also worked at the daycare for a couple hours. Let me go on record as saying the men and women brave enough to do that job for a living should be named national hero's cause WOWZA! I have a new respect for the Duggar family I tell ya  lol.

We bought a camper today and are rather excited. Its older but in good shape and we can't wait to take the family camping. I missed my workout today because P was very clingy and whiny so I am hoping that I will be able to squeeze in a walk after supper. Hopefully the rain will quit by then otherwise its off to the basement for yoga and elliptical trainer for me lol. Wish me luck.

The sick

I went to bed last night with a bad toothache. I finally fell asleep around 1, at 4 I was awoken by the usual crying from miss Payton. I went into her room to change her diaper, fill er bottle, rub her back or whatever it was she needed tonight. As I approached her room I smelled something very unpleasant to say the least. I found her sitting up in bed covered in puke. I stripped her clothes off , gave her a sponge bath, changed her bum and tucked her neatly in bed beside her daaeee (daddy in Paytonese in case you all were wondering lol). Then I stripped the bed, washed a new bottle and climbed back into bed. I lay there for a while rubbing P's back and then I had one of those mommy feelings. You all know what I am talking about the kind you get when the kids are outside playing and you get this overwhelming urge to check on them only to find them dumping buckets of dirt into the rain barrel. So anyways I just felt like I should grab a towel and bring it to bed just in case. Good thing I did cause when I got up at 5 to pee (thank you to the 3 children who have destroyed any ability I ever had to go more than 3 hours without peeing) I had just closed the bathroom door when Colin yelled "honey come quick!". I got there just in time to see her throw up all over my new sheets, the freshly washed blanket and her dad. I took her and ran a bath and put her in a bubble bath while Colin took all the sheets off the bed.
After the early bath we all lay on the couch and watched cartoons while dozing. So far she has thrown up about 6 times. I thinks its gonna be a long day...

Ramblings of a tired mom

Have you ever looked back on your life and even though you wouldn't give away your children or your husband for anything in the world you still just feel like something is missing? That's how I have been feeling lately. Maybe its the lack of sleep, maybe its the stress of life or maybe its just me.
I opened up the store without giving much thought to the consequences it would have on my family or my life. I loved my store. I loved meeting new people, finding new products, educating people on cloth diapering and being more Eco friendly. I loved talking to other store owners and sharing little secrets. I didn't however love that I never saw my children, or that even when I was at home I wasn't really at home. I was always too busy finishing paperwork, placing orders, filling orders, paying bills or doing any of the other millions of things that have to be done behind the scenes.
Payton was/is sick and needs me. I quit my store to be with her and the other girls because I swore when I was a little girl that my children would not be raised by babysitters and that I would be there for them after school, and whenever they needed me. With the store I wasn't. After 6 months that seemed to fly by I realized one day that I needed to be a mom . That doesn't mean that I don't want to work though.
I want to do something that is flexible and that I enjoy and that works for our family. So I decided to turn my photography hobby into a bit of a business. Its something that I love to do, and something that I can do at my own pace. I have a lot to learn but everyday I feel like I am getting better and better. Yet I still feel like something is missing.......
I want to be one of those people who contributes something, someone who gives back someone who isn't afraid to live life instead of letting it pass by . When I die I want people to remember me as someone who did something, or who gave something. Right now I am not.
Yes I am a mom and I love every minute of it and yes I am a wife but I am nothing special. My Uncle and Aunt travel around the world helping in churches and orphanages and giving so much to others. My cousin moved to China for months to help get women and children out of slavery, my parents give every ounce of who they are to other people. And what do I do?.........nothing. I. Do. Nothing. I want so badly to teach my children to give back and to be unselfish and to help others, but how do I do that when I don't even know myself?
These are the things I think about. These are the things that trouble me.
I tuck my babies into bed every night and ask myself how do I be a better person for them? How do I guide them to be wonderful , caring, thoughtful adults when I am not one myself?
Maybe one day when I grow up I will know all the answers, but until then I will just keep trying and failing until one day... I will get it right.