I found me

Today I finally figured it out. Figured what out you ask? Well for a long time now I have been trying to figure out who I am. I mean I obviously know my name and all that stuff but I am talking about who I am inside. I am so busy being a mom and a wife that I had forgotten who I was. Today though I figured it out. I went for a walk/drive all alone and listened to the animals and watched the birds and thought. As I was doing this it came to me. I have been spending so much time trying to figure out what I am besides a mom and a wife that I totally missed the fact that, that is who I am. The real me is a mom. A mom who loves her kids more than anything in the world. A mom who would do anything for her kids. A mom who actually enjoys soccer practices and spark meetings and braiding hair at night.

The real me is a wife. A wife who loves her husband so much that she gets butterflies in her stomach when she thinks about him. A wife who lives everyday to make her husband happy and feel fulfilled. A wife who is so lucky to have a husband that makes her feel like she is his world.

All of this came to me in a sudden moment of clarity. As I was struggling to figure out where the real me went I discovered that I have been here all along. I have just changed to become a better person. My kids make me a better person. My husband makes me a better person. They give me a reason to live and a reason to be a better person.

I may not party like I used to, I may not be able to have a conversation without talking about Colin or the girls. I may not be able to do anything without thinking about them but that is because they are a part of me. So the real me has them in it.

I also realized that even though I get frustrated and need a break sometimes, I still need them just as much as they need me.